


if i missed you, would you hold it against me

by cyanspade



Category: Kissed By the Baddest Bidder, Voltage Inc - Fandom, Voltage Inc. - All Media Types, スイートルームで悪戯なキス | Kissed By the Baddest Bidder
Genre: Angst, F/M, Family, Family Loss, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Past Character Death, Single Parents, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-11-20 23:08:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11345001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyanspade/pseuds/cyanspade
Summary: With Soryu and MC’s passing, it now fell onto Eisuke to be Ryusei’s legal guardian. Why Soryu and MC would think namingEisuke, of all people, as legal guardian in their will was beyond him.You’re the only one we can trust, Soryu had told him. But that didn’t mean Eisuke was ready to be a father.Hell, he wasn’t ready for anything that came since that day.He wasn’t ready to be a father.He wasn’t ready to lose his best friend.He wasn’t ready to loseher.





	if i missed you, would you hold it against me

* * *

              Dinner was a solemnly silent affair.

              In the stillness of the dining room, the only sound that could be heard was the clang of Eisuke’s utensils on his plate. Across him sat little Ryusei, who only stared at his untouched food with empty eyes.

              “… You’re not hungry?” Eisuke asked slowly. 

              The boy shook his head without looking up from his plate.

              Eisuke sighed in defeat, putting his utensils down. “Do you want to go to bed already?” 

Ryusei nodded in assent. Gingerly, the boy pushed back his chair and gave a little bow, leaving Eisuke alone with his thoughts.

              “I suppose it’s not going to be easy, huh?” he said to no one in particular. 

              _And it won’t ever be easy again. Not with them gone._

Just three days ago, Eisuke was staring into Soryu’s and MC’s coffins. Both of them looked deceptively peaceful, as if they were only asleep—that anytime, they’d wake up from their long nap and mess around in the penthouse like always.

              But Eisuke knew better. 

              Underneath all the flowers and their elaborate clothes were the bullet wounds dealt unto to them by a rival gang. The Ice Dragons had been in an ongoing feud with the said rival gang for a while now, but no one could have predicted the rivalry to escalate to MC being kidnapped, Soryu getting into an outnumbered gunfight, and both of them ultimately perishing.

              (The memory of Soryu and MC, clinging onto each other for dear life while covered in bullet holes was something Eisuke couldn’t forget, even if he wanted to.)

              With their passing, it now fell onto Eisuke to be Ryusei’s legal guardian. Why Soryu and MC would think naming _Eisuke_ , of all people, as legal guardian in their will was beyond him. 

              _You’re the only one we can trust_ , Soryu had told him. But that didn’t mean Eisuke was ready to be a father.

              Hell, he wasn’t ready for _anything_ that came since that day.

              He wasn’t ready to be a father.

              He wasn’t ready to lose his best friend.

              He wasn’t ready to lose her.

              (Despite everything, the torch he held for her never burned out.)

* * *

              Every time he looked at Ryusei, Eisuke felt the dull ache he kept hidden for so long resurface again.  


              At first glance, Ryusei was the spitting image of his father. With his dark hair and dark eyes, Ryusei was essentially the mirror image of the stubbornly serious young boy Eisuke had befriended all those years ago at boarding school.

              But to anyone who knew better, Ryusei also carried his mother’s likeness, albeit more subtly. Ryusei’s eyes held a gentle strength Eisuke was all too familiar with, and the boy’s selfless nature was a constant reminder of what he could never hope to have.

              Sitting on the edge of Ryusei’s bed, Eisuke pulled up the covers over the boy. Ryusei was asleep, but he held onto his family photo with a firm grip, as if he was afraid that if he let go, the people in the photo would fade away. 

              _It’s too late for that now, though._

              Since that day, Ryusei had been unnaturally quiet. He had always been on the calmer side, but now, it was like Ryusei couldn’t speak anymore.

              Even with constant visits from all the other auction managers, nothing could rouse him from his self-inflicted speechlessness. Despite Baba’s gentle encouragement, Ota’s invitations to hang out, and even Mamoru’s uncharacteristic support, Ryusei wouldn’t budge. Not even Inui or Samejima could do anything to help their Young Boss.

              During the funeral, Ryusei practically held a blank gaze the whole time. Not once did he cry, and his once bright gray eyes were now a dull slate. 

              But right now, Eisuke could see how puffy his eyes were in his sleep. Ryusei _had_ been crying, but he did so all alone, away from anyone’s sight. He probably didn’t want to burden anyone with his tears, Eisuke thought.

              _Just like his mother._

* * *

              Baba had suggested looking through old photos to try and cheer Ryusei up.

_Recalling and sharing happy memories might help him_ , the thief advised with a smile.

              Eisuke was never the type to be sentimental, nor was he good at comforting kids, but he supposed Baba was right.

              “This was from your sixth birthday, right?” Eisuke asked, holding up a photo album.

              “… Yeah,” said Ryusei, speaking up for the first time in a while. “The Ice Dragons threw a surprise party for me. They said I was the hero of the day.”

              Eisuke remembered that day, too.

              Ryusei had a superhero-themed birthday party. The whole thing was pretty silly, now that Eisuke thought about it. Seeing all the hardened Ice Dragons dressed in bright capes and masks was a sight to see. Even the auction managers got it on the hero action. Baba was excited to show off his full-on spandex outfit to everyone.

              “That was a fun birthday. Everyone looked really cool in their costumes,” Ryusei beamed.

              “They did, huh?” The corners of Eisuke’s mouth twitched in a ghost of a smile. He remembered how hilariously uncomfortable Soryu had looked in his costume. 

              The two of them continued to browse through all the albums until Eisuke stopped at a particular one. 

              “Oh, that’s my parents’ wedding album.”

              The devil in Eisuke told him to drop the album immediately in anticipation of the ache that he knew would surge, but he told himself that he had to do this for Ryusei. 

              _I’m supposed to feel grief, not jealousy. Get your shit together, Eisuke._

              Leafing through the pages, Eisuke could almost relive how bittersweet their wedding day was.

              He, of course, was chosen as Soryu’s best man. Standing to next to Soryu, Eisuke could see MC walk slowly down the aisle, looking immaculately stunning in her gown. She was so painfully beautiful that Eisuke was tempted to take her hand in his own, as if _he_ were the groom.

              But he wasn’t.

              She stretched out her hand—with her engagement ring shining—and laced her fingers with Soryu’s.

              Now, Eisuke knew that if anyone deserved MC, it was Soryu. He knew that Soryu, amidst his tough exterior, was a good person at heart. He would never do anything to hurt her, and he would always, always make her happy. MC, in turn, was a perfect match for Soryu. Seeing the usually-cold mobster letting his walls down and opening up to someone was a breath of fresh air. She managed to bring out the tender side he had hidden deep within him. Eisuke knew better than anyone that they both deserved to be happy with each other.

              (But still, that didn’t mean it hurt any less when he heard the words “I do” from her lips.)

              “…Mom looks really pretty in that picture,” Ryusei said with a sad smile, pointing to a photo of husband and wife, lips on each other’s in a fervent declaration of love. 

              Biting back a sob, Eisuke gave a sad smile of his own.

              “Yeah. She sure is.”

* * *

              Ryusei was finally feeling better enough to see visitors again, so Eisuke asked Inui and Samejima to watch over their Young Boss while he went out for a while.

              It had been far too long since he last checked Soryu and MC’s grave. Eisuke thought that now would be the best time to visit, considering not much people would go there after all the time that passed. 

              Driving alone, Eisuke checked the back seat one last time to make sure his cargo was still intact. Thankfully, the flowers he had ordered weren’t damaged from the long car ride to the cemetery.

              When he finally arrived there, he took the baskets of flowers on each hand and began the long, halcyon walk to their grave. The only sounds he could hear were the clacking of his own footsteps on the pavement, and the constant humming of the cicadas in the summer.

              Eisuke had to chuckle bitterly. If only his feelings were as peaceful as the surroundings. 

              Their grave was left in pristine condition, with white chrysanthemums to adorn it. He assumed a caretaker must have been tending to the grave every day since the funeral. He’d have to thank them for keeping the place pleasing to the eye.

              Setting down the flowers on their graves, Eisuke mused to himself silently.

              He had so many things he wanted to ask them—what would happen to the Ice Dragons now, what should he do to the rival gang, why did they think he’d be a good father to Ryusei—but he kept it all inside. 

              Seeing MC’s name etched onto the grave didn’t make it any easier for him.

              Sometimes, in the darkness of his bedroom, Eisuke would think about all the forbidden what-ifs. What if they never died? What if they were never married? What if she had chosen _him_ instead of Soryu during that fateful night at the auctions? He could’ve kept her safe, they could’ve been happy together, she could’ve lived to see today—

              “Oh, Eisuke. I didn’t know you were going to visit.” 

              A deep voice shook him out of his internal stupor. He turned around and was met with the sight of an old, familiar friend.

              “Luke. So you’re here.” 

              Eisuke didn’t expect to see Luke, of all people, show up with a bouquet of white chrysanthemums in hand.

              “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” The doctor gave a sheepish smile. “How is Ryusei?”

              “He’s doing much better. I left him back home with Soryu’s lapdo—ahem—Inui and Samejima. But what about you? What brings you all the way here?”

              “I’ve actually been coming here to give flowers and tend to the grave every day.” 

_Luke did all this?_

              “You don’t have to do that, you know,” Eisuke replied. “You must be busy with all the surgeries.”

              “You’re right about that. But every time I try to go back to my old routine, I can’t stop thinking about them. You and Soryu were the first friends I ever made back in school, and now that he’s gone, it all feels so… incomplete. The three of us won’t be together again to play with cats anymore.”

              It was unlike Luke to be so open and honest about everything, but the wistful nostalgia on his face kept Eisuke from saying anything.

              “And Sexy Bones—no— _MC_. She was… special. Her collarbones were definitely a thing of beauty, but I’ve never met anyone whose smile could heal me until I met her.” _You and me both, Luke._

              “I… I miss them terribly, Eisuke,” Luke lamented, his lips trembling in an attempt to hold back his tears.

              “… I do too.”

              Both of them stood in silence, basking in the sorrow of it all. The cicadas hummed again, as if to play a requiem for the lost lovers and their grieving companions.

              “… I have to go now. Ryusei’s probably waiting for me to get back,” Eisuke said, turning to Luke.

              “All right then. Tell him his Uncle Luke said hi.”

              Eisuke gave his friend one last nod before walking away to leave.

              “Wait, Eisuke,” Luke called out. “I only noticed it now, but the flowers you gave Sexy Bones… why did you get her yellow tulips?”

              This was one secret Eisuke would keep to his grave. No one, not even Luke, must ever know what those flowers really meant. This was between him and MC alone. 

              (If anyone knew the language of flowers, then they would know that yellow tulips stood for one-sided love.)

              “I just thought they would suit her, that’s all.”

* * *

              One morning, Eisuke and Ryusei had breakfast together in silence. Unlike all the previous times, this silence was peaceful instead of the usual stifling tension.

              It had taken a long, _long_ time, but Ryusei improved considerably since that day. He stopped crying alone, and he opened up a lot more, too. He was back to his old self, thanks to the constant support from all the others as well.

              In truth, Eisuke was thankful for Ryusei. After his last visit to the cemetery, he focused all of his attention on raising the boy; that way, Eisuke wouldn’t have the chance to lose himself in grief and longing. 

              In a way, Ryusei saved Eisuke from himself.

              “I made us some omelets,” Eisuke said, setting down the plates. “It’s not as good as your mom’s, but it’s certainly better than your dad’s.” 

              “You’re right about that. Sometimes, the kitchen explodes when he cooks!” Ryusei laughed in return, poking the eggs with his fork. It was true that he could order a chef to cook for them, but Eisuke thought this would be a nice change of pace for them both. 

              “Oh, wait! Stay there, Uncle Eisuke!” Ryusei chirped. “I’ll be right back.” 

              Ryusei ran to the kitchen, leaving Eisuke wondering what he had in store. 

              After a few minutes, Ryusei came back, a steaming mug of coffee in his hand.

              “Um, I made you some coffee,” the boy said, slightly unsure. “Mom… she told me you liked coffee a lot.”

              “Ah… she did, huh?” Eisuke forced a tight smile. The recognizable aroma was starting to take a toll on his self-control, and he could already feel the waves of his forgotten déjà vu hit him one after the other.

              _...He really is your son, through and through._

              With a slightly shaky hand, Eisuke took the mug from a hopeful Ryusei. He took a sip.

              “I—I hope you like it! I’m sorry if I put too much milk and sugar.”

              The taste that spread through his mouth was all-too familiar. It was a combination of a resolute sweetness, a gentle warmth, and a signature creaminess that reminded him of the only person that ever mattered to him in a long time. The experience of it all was all too much to bear.

              “Uncle Eisuke, are you okay? Was it too hot?” Ryusei fretted.

              Eisuke didn’t even notice the tears that started flowing down his face. All the years of pent-up loneliness, grief, and regret came out at once. It had been far, _far_ too long since he had let his guard down in front of anyone, but the drink was what finally burst the dam of his well-hidden sorrow.

              “… It’s delicious, Ryusei. You make really good coffee,” Eisuke confessed through his sobs, ruffling the boy’s hair.

              _It tastes just like yours._


End file.
